weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
