remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
