New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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