My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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