They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
