He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
