i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
