Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize