Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
