I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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