3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
