i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
