Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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