my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
