In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
