I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
