how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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