well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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