no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
