Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
