You were right. It hurts to walk today.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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