drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
