Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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