i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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