i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
nutella sex= disaster
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
