dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
