can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you traded sex for a burrito?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
