OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
