I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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