Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
