Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
