phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
