listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
