so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
