I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize