please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
