i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
