She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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