I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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