wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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