College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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