Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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