i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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