I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
