An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
