Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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