He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
