new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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