Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
