Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

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(828): View more from North Carolina

You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up

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(303): View more from Colorado

It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Why is there bacon braided in my hair

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(410): View more from Maryland

Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy

(410): View more from Maryland

Order is debatable

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(251): View more from Alabama

you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"

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(708): View more from Illinois

It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!

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