I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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