Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
