Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
