Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
