just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
