Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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