I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
