Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
