he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
