You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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