How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
