Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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