dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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