Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
