dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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