my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize