Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
