So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
