I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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