cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
