Who wears a wallet chain?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My feet surprised me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
