Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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