if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
