if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
