what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
