in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
