I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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