The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
