i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
