Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I looked at my own cervix.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
