Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
