Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
so much tequila, so little girl.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
