we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You are the jesus of drinking
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
