Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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