he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
