i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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