So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
