there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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