ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize