So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
