Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
