No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
